At the least suggestion, I’ll pop the question

 

Through the course of the past month I have seen my younger sister get engaged (you can view her engagement pictures by clicking here), two close college friends get engaged, and a close high school friend get married. There is something about going to a wedding that really makes you think about your own life. I believe there is an unspoken rule in the male community that states, “Don’t bring your girlfriend with you to a wedding unless you are prepared to marry her yourself.” Weddings make people wistful. They make you ache for that long-term security and intimacy.

I am closing in on the age where each of my friends are either getting married or engaged; if I have not done one of the two within the next couple of years, people are going to begin wondering what is wrong with me. With everyone catching this love bug, I have found myself inordinately preoccupied with the idea of marriage. There are so many questions that must be answered before getting engaged.

 How long should you wait before popping the question? I have seen some people date only a couple of months before tying the knot. My pawpaw dated my grandmother two weeks before marrying her. My parents dated from December 14th ‘84, to January 4th ‘85, before getting engaged (granted they knew each other for close to a year.) In other instances, I have seen some people date three to five years before getting engaged. It is not uncommon in Italy, for a couple to date close to five years before getting engaged (not even married.)

Once you decide the time is right, how should you propose? Should you do it in private? In public? With your family around? Me and a group of friends debated this subject at a recent Christmas conference for Christian college students over New Year’s. Some guys argued the way you propose should be determined by the woman to whom you are proposing. They said you should do what is special to her. A couple of other guys argued the opposite. They said you should do it your own way with your own style. There are websites upon websites devoted to helping answer this question. What’s the right answer? How do I know which is right for me?

Of course, these previous questions are a moot point if you don’t have the most important question answered: whom do I want to marry? A person from your church may insist, “You both must have the same beliefs. That is the most important thing.” A professor from college may argue, “It’s all about having common interests. Birds of a feather flock together. If you have 70% in common you are lucky.” Hollywood exclaims, “How good is your sex life? Do you love them (what is love anyway)?” Your parents may interject, “Do they love their parents? Are they going to mesh well with our family?” What is the most important factor: life goals, religious beliefs, interests, chemistry, family….?

 With marriage being the single-most important decision in a person’s life, I don’t expect there to be one correct answer. As with most things, the answer is multiply determined. But what factor weighs the greatest? I am only twenty years old. While some of my friends may have found the love of their life already, I am fine with pondering these questions and being the one guy at your high school reunion that is thirty and single.